Losing hair by the handful

well, Wed Oct. 22, 14 days after chemo #1, just like my Onc. told me. There is was in my hands in the shower, getting ready for my 2nd chemo treatment. I cried a little and got a grip. Then at the Onc. office waiting, I looked in the mirror to just run my fingers through it and it was flying out. Chad grabbed a wad from the back of my head and that did it. I bawled like a baby. After a minute I felt kind of stupid, I know I am so much more fortunate than so many others. I have so much to be hopeful for, I decided to get my head shaved. I have the wig and wear hats a lot the last two days, just to keep it from getting all over. So, now that I'm dealing with the reality of hair loss now, I can't wait for it to just be gone and over with. I feel OK though, other than really tired. Chad will pick up Brady from school at 3:30 and then I will go take a little nap until supper time. I know I'm blessed. I think my oldest one Brandon, 17, who lives with my mother is taking things hard. He doesn't talk about it much, and when I bring up chemo, or going bald, ( I joke about things a lot) he wants to change the subject. Although, my mom told me that once when she was crying about me, he said "Don't you know my mom's a soldier, she's gonna be fine." I told him he's made me the strong person I am today. He's been through, and put me through a lot. He is suppose to join Job Corp., hopefully, Nov. 1. Please pray this works out, it is my last bit of hope that he will be OK. By OK, I mean able to function in society, have a home, job, car and stay out of trouble, jail or worse. Well, it's almost time for my nap. I'll check in later. Thank to everyone for your support. I love you all.

New pictures

I checked in with my Dr. yesterday, did labs, my white/red cell and platelets are where she expected, low, but on the way up for the next week. I felt so good yesterday and today. Like my old self again. I am going to enjoy the next week. Wed. will be my next chemo, 2nd one. I went to the hospitals beauty shop yesterday. They have a "Look Good Feel Better" program for chemo patients. The wigs, hats, etc. are free. I was looking for a med-length blond, a little lighter than my own hair, I've always wanted to go platinum, but can't afford the upkeep. So, the lady tells me they are very low on blond wigs, they had one, which was shorter than my hair since I've gotten it cut, so I'm trying it on being gracious and she says it's about time to order new blond wigs, I could pick one out and she'd order it for me. How awesome is that?! I actually got to pick out the style and color I wanted and it's free. I am so happy. I got a few hats, too. I joke with Brady, my 6 yr. old about picking him up from school bald. He wants me to wear my wig and a hat. I keep preparing the boys. I have such a great family. Well, time to pick up Braiden, 3 from preschool. Have a good day!!!!

Today is Tue. Oct. 14. Normal day. I have a bad headache. My vision is a little blurry. I feel pretty good besides that. I have a Dr. app'tment tomorrow and go to the beauty shop to look for a wig. Yuk. I haven't started losing my hair yet. Probably in a week or so Doc says. I am freaking out. I hope it isn't going to send me into "hibernation". I want to be strong and positive, but it's my hair. I just have to focus on the positive. It's a nice day today. I cleaned this morning. Now, it's about time to feed my little rugrats lunch, then they have nap, rest time, so that will be my time to kick back in my recliner and do nothing for an hour or so. Chad picks up Brady from school now. That is great for me, because we always have to walk like 2 blocks to the school. Parking sucks there, between construction and street repair, so I don't have to drag these two out for that. That is a big help. Well, lunch time. Check in later.

Oct. 13
going to bed. Getting the kids ready for bed at least. Can't wait to go to bed. Tired, grouchy, constipated. That really sucks. Going to eat a couple of prunes, I guess.

not much to say about today. Sunday, laundry, baths, etc. ready for the work week. Thank God for me I'm a stay at home mom. Brady, 6 is in first grade. He is my Sweety Petey, Angel. Braiden, 3 is home with me. Tue, and Thurs. is preschool from 9:00 - 11:15 a.m., he is my sweetheart motivation. He is truly mamma's boy. My sweet Ava my niece, I babysit for my sister-in-law. Since I have no girls, she is my little princess. She loves my so much. And I her. We have a special bond. I've watched her since she was about 2 months old. She's 2 1/2. Pure sweetness. I am very lucky to be able to stay at home, especially during chemo treatments. And all the family offers to take 1/2 day, shifts, whatever I need to help out. So far, so good. It's only been 5 days since first chemo. I do have a lot of fatigue. But, I can handle that being at home a lot. I'm going to bed now. Take care everyone out there. God be with each of you, I know he's with me. Pray for my oldest son Brandon. I know he misses us (his family) he live with my mom. Long story. I'll get into that someday. He needs all the prayers he can get. He really is a good hearted boy. I love him more that my life. Good night!!!!