Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hey fellow bloggers,
I'm getting a little cabin fever. I can't wait for spring. I need to sit outside and soak up the sun and listen to the birds and watch the kids hunt for bugs. Soon. I'm tired of being cold and bald.
I am getting some hair. It doesn't make sense, I'm not even done with chemo 3 more treatments. Oh well, I'll take it. It's coming in very slowly. I'm going to order a short wig. I have 2 long ones that I don't wear. They get in my face, so if I get a short one I think I will wear it sometimes. I am bored. I've gained between 5-10 pounds depending on how well/bad I do. I seem to go up one week and down the next. I don't go to the gym because I have no hair. I just want my life back. I know it will never be the same. I'm OK with that. I've gone through a lot of changes. I have a teenager who put me through a lot. I can go with the flow and adapt to whatever life throws at me. I just feel like time is precious and now I'm waiting. Wasting time waiting to act normal again. Go to the gym, Weight Watchers. Pick up my son from school and stand with the other parents. Not try to time my grocery shopping for the slowest hr. I want to be able to look people in the eye and smile at them. Not walk with my head down and hope no one notices the hat that's covering my bald head. I am sick of this. I know it shouldn't be important. The cancer is the important thing. The chemo is doing it's job. And I am having surgery, too.
That's the other thing. I am getting very scared about being put to sleep and having my boobs cut off. I try not to think about it, but it's getting closer by the day. I know it will pass and soon it will be a memory. Reading other people's experiences helps. Like Cora's. Thank you for posting your experience. I still an very anxious.
This too shall pass.
I am a very blessed person. I am thankful for all that God has given me. I am thankful for the strength He has gifted me. I will make it through this and anything else by the grace of God.
He has a plan for me and getting through this is all a part of it. I can't wait to see what He has planned for after surviving cancer. It better be good!!!!