Well, I have a lumpectomy scheduled for Thurs. 4/16, depending on my MRI results. I will call the hospital today to see about that. My Breast Surgeon really thinks I'm a good candidate for the lumpectomy w/ node biopsy. I pray there are no nodes involved. I've been reading about that and removal of nodes and lymphodema. I don't want to have to worry about that. I am still a little hesitant about the lumpectomy vs. mastectomy.
I've been set on bilat mastectomy for all these months (6). Now... I'm just afraid I'll be leaving the door open for a new cancer or reocurrence. Then I'll get a mastectomy.
So, should I play the odds and go this direction?
I feel really comfortable with the surgeon and trust what he told me. I really love the idea of conserving my breasts. Especially since there is no plastic surgeon at my hospital to reconstruct after surgery.
I would switch hospitals if I needed a mastectomy and will if the MRI shows a lumpectomy isn't possible. I should know soon. I'm calling there when I get done posting here.
I just can't believe this is almost over. I am starting to feel like a ton of weight is being lifted off of me. A light at the end of the tunnel.
Radiation is a downer, though. Every day for 5-7 weeks. My hospital is almost an hour away. That is going to be a pain for not just me but everyone involved. Sister-in-law or mother-in-law, I'll need a babysitter. My fiance will maybe go with me. I could take myself though. They are awesome though, they've been there every time I've needed them. I just feel like such a burden on people since this all started. I'm going to check my local hospital to see if they do radiation therapy. They don't have a very good reputation though. I can't wait to have a normal life back. Whatever normal is.
I have hair now. It's still a little too thin on top to go out without a hat, but it's getting there. I have bedhead in the mornings and my 4 yr. old son, Braiden, likes to comb it. My 17 yr. old son, Brandon needs a haircut right now and said he wants his hair cut like mine. We look a lot alike now with my hair so short, it's funny. My 7 yr. old, Brady, is a little embarrassed when I go to his school. I just tell him there's no reason to feel embarrassed when kids ask why I don't have any hair, it's from the chemo and it's not my fault, it will come back. That part is hard for me. I don't want him to feel that way.
I know it will all be just a memory soon. And I don't go to his school unless he has a play or I bring juice for a party, or he forgot his backpack one day. I take him in the morning, but nobody sees my. His dad picks him up after school every since this started. You have to wait at the doors for Kindergarten and first graders to be released to parents so all the parents stand out there socializing. No thanks!!!!! I have a hard enough time going grocery shopping.
I take and pick up Braiden from preschool Tue and Thur, it's a small class, I don't mind that too much.
We are going out to eat with Chad's (fiance) boss and wife tonight at the Country Club. I am a little anxious. But, they were nice enough to invite us and know my surgery is coming up. I haven't been very sociable for a while, so I think I can do this. I seem to be alright once I get out, it's just the getting ready and looking in the mirror part that bothers me. Then I usually forget how I look when I'm not focusing on it.
I am just excited every day more and more that my hair is showing itself more and more.
The surgery is scheduled and I am at the end, finally, of this life changing journey. I am going to make it. With the help and support of so many like me. http://www.nosurrenderbrestcancer.org/
The wonderful people here who have supported me, even though my posts have been few and far between lately. I appreciate and love you all.
I promise to check in if the surgery gets changed to mastectomy. And definitely after the surgery as soon as I am up to it.
God bless you all.
I love you, Buster!
1 year ago