Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hey fellow bloggers,
I'm getting a little cabin fever. I can't wait for spring. I need to sit outside and soak up the sun and listen to the birds and watch the kids hunt for bugs. Soon. I'm tired of being cold and bald.
I am getting some hair. It doesn't make sense, I'm not even done with chemo 3 more treatments. Oh well, I'll take it. It's coming in very slowly. I'm going to order a short wig. I have 2 long ones that I don't wear. They get in my face, so if I get a short one I think I will wear it sometimes. I am bored. I've gained between 5-10 pounds depending on how well/bad I do. I seem to go up one week and down the next. I don't go to the gym because I have no hair. I just want my life back. I know it will never be the same. I'm OK with that. I've gone through a lot of changes. I have a teenager who put me through a lot. I can go with the flow and adapt to whatever life throws at me. I just feel like time is precious and now I'm waiting. Wasting time waiting to act normal again. Go to the gym, Weight Watchers. Pick up my son from school and stand with the other parents. Not try to time my grocery shopping for the slowest hr. I want to be able to look people in the eye and smile at them. Not walk with my head down and hope no one notices the hat that's covering my bald head. I am sick of this. I know it shouldn't be important. The cancer is the important thing. The chemo is doing it's job. And I am having surgery, too.
That's the other thing. I am getting very scared about being put to sleep and having my boobs cut off. I try not to think about it, but it's getting closer by the day. I know it will pass and soon it will be a memory. Reading other people's experiences helps. Like Cora's. Thank you for posting your experience. I still an very anxious.
This too shall pass.
I am a very blessed person. I am thankful for all that God has given me. I am thankful for the strength He has gifted me. I will make it through this and anything else by the grace of God.
He has a plan for me and getting through this is all a part of it. I can't wait to see what He has planned for after surviving cancer. It better be good!!!!


Oma aka Meme said...

soft hugs and prayers
yes, spring will give you/me a new spirit-
yes, chemo is a blessing with a curse of side effects but
remember that when you are done your body will have a spring time too- my gal pal had wigs too and she had a long one - she was cooking a turkey and when she was checking it re oven she melted her wig-- and it stuck to mister turkey and she had to be bald and bold and remove the wig from her and the turkey so she could finish the turkey- we all laugh about it now but is was a hard day for her-
she is now ok and cancer free -
hugs from Meme

Cora from Hidden Riches said...

Stacy, all your feelings are so normal, so don't feel you are alone! I, too, want my life back, but I wonder. . .!!! In reality, life will never be the same. I'll always be afraid of it coming back.
And surgery is always scarey for everyone, so that is a normal anxiety, too. Especially for us who have never been operated on. I'm a control freak, so being put out and operated on was a biggie for me! I do have to say, it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it to be. It was the after stuff of dealing with bending over, etc., that was hard!

As for the hair, I never really got upset over that. I was more worried about people in the grocery store and their feelings than my own. Often times, I almost forgot my hat and thought I could go bald if it weren't for making other people feel sorry for me. I never did wear my wigs -- just a few hats. I felt more conspicuous with the wig on.

My radiation starts as soon as they call me to come in. I think this scares me more than the chemo and operation. Are you going to get radiation?

I'm still praying for you, Stacy, and you WILL get through this!


Oma aka Meme said...

just checking to see if you are doing all right as I am missing you here

hugs and prayers from Meme