Hey fellow bloggers,
I'm getting a little cabin fever. I can't wait for spring. I need to sit outside and soak up the sun and listen to the birds and watch the kids hunt for bugs. Soon. I'm tired of being cold and bald.
I am getting some hair. It doesn't make sense, I'm not even done with chemo 3 more treatments. Oh well, I'll take it. It's coming in very slowly. I'm going to order a short wig. I have 2 long ones that I don't wear. They get in my face, so if I get a short one I think I will wear it sometimes. I am bored. I've gained between 5-10 pounds depending on how well/bad I do. I seem to go up one week and down the next. I don't go to the gym because I have no hair. I just want my life back. I know it will never be the same. I'm OK with that. I've gone through a lot of changes. I have a teenager who put me through a lot. I can go with the flow and adapt to whatever life throws at me. I just feel like time is precious and now I'm waiting. Wasting time waiting to act normal again. Go to the gym, Weight Watchers. Pick up my son from school and stand with the other parents. Not try to time my grocery shopping for the slowest hr. I want to be able to look people in the eye and smile at them. Not walk with my head down and hope no one notices the hat that's covering my bald head. I am sick of this. I know it shouldn't be important. The cancer is the important thing. The chemo is doing it's job. And I am having surgery, too.
That's the other thing. I am getting very scared about being put to sleep and having my boobs cut off. I try not to think about it, but it's getting closer by the day. I know it will pass and soon it will be a memory. Reading other people's experiences helps. Like Cora's. Thank you for posting your experience. I still an very anxious.
This too shall pass.
Enough!!!
I am a very blessed person. I am thankful for all that God has given me. I am thankful for the strength He has gifted me. I will make it through this and anything else by the grace of God.
He has a plan for me and getting through this is all a part of it. I can't wait to see what He has planned for after surviving cancer. It better be good!!!!

This was me (middle), my sister and brother. I was probably 3 or 4 1973 or 74. Just wanted to share.

I haven't blogged in almost a month. WOW!!! time flies. I have been on the www.nosurrenderbreastcancer site a lot. I love it there. I had an MRI and my biggest tumor now measures 6mm as opposed to 1 cm from before. The smaller one is smaller too. I started Abraxane Dec. 22 and will finish on March 4th. I'll double check that tomorrow when I go for my next treatment. The abraxane is going very well. No big side effects, no premeds, no steroids. I get tired, fatigued a little still. But, with little kids, I would probably feel like that anyway. I haven't gone to the gym since Oct., nor to a Weight Watcher's meeting. I have gained between 5 and 10 lbs. I'm going up and down. I will go back, but I need to get up the courage. I've kind of became a hermit since the hair loss.
I will be meeting with my Breast Surgeon in the next week or two to discuss that. I will take a few weeks off after chemo to get my body stronger. So, I'm thinking early April. I am dreading that, but at the same time, I can't wait for it to be over. I hope I can find a Plastic Surgeon soon. My hospital doesn't have one right now. I think my BS can recommend one. I'll find out soon. I wanted to start recon. at the same time. Maybe they will find one by then.
Well, I'll check in later.
It's suppose to be in the 40's Thurs. and through the weekend. Raining Thurs. and Fri. I'm tired of the cold/snow. This has been an awful cold, lonely, depressing and looonng winter.
I can't wait to smell grass. Mow grass. Plant flowers, brush my hair, tie it back and go to the gym. Cancer free!!!!!!!! The day will come.
I will get this extra weight off, and then some. I will have new, higher boobs, and a tummy tuck to go with it. I will beat cancer and be an even stronger person.
My kids will respect me for all of this and not put me through any more stress. EVER!!!
Brandon will find success in his life, whatever that may be. He will be a happy, loving, respectful person (to others AND himself).
I pray this year treats us all better than ever.
ALL OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, a New Year. A B-Day (1/7) 39 yrs. old now. I can't believe my next B-Day I'll be 40. I hope cancer free and beautiful blond hair. 20lbs. lighter and toned up. I can start going back to the gym. I was planned on going Mon., but SNOW. I try to avoid driving in it as much as possible. I get a little panicked/anxious. Well, my son (Brady) it patiently waiting his turn on the computer. He is allowed 2 hrs. of game play on the weekends. He's had one and then the computer froze, I got it going and kind of took over for the past 1/2 hr. I'll post later. MRI on 1/21. I'll update by then.

I've had 2 Abraxane's. Going very well. My hemoglobin on Mon. 29 was 8.7 So I had to go back today for a recheck, anything lower than 8.2 and I would need a blood transfusion. It was 9.7. Thank God. Well, have a happy New Year to you all. I'm going to take a nap. I haven't taken a nap for a couple of weeks. Today, I'm tired.

Christmas with my boys and Chad. I love them all so much. I am truly blessed. Brandon is bigger than Chad. WOW!!!!! Brandon and me.

Brady will be 7 Jan. 5th. Braiden turned 4, Dec. 15th.

They are my angels. Brandon, 17 was here for Christmas.

I will post those pictures next week. I need to download them to the computer first. We had a great Christmas. Brandon was a little depressed when he left, to go back home with Gma and Gpa. Things are so different for him. I love him so much. I think he's growing up a lot. I wish things didn't have to be this way, him not living here. But this is the only way. I know he feels left out sometimes. It was just him and I for almost 10 years of his life. He wishes he could go back to being 5 yrs old again. I try to tell him to appreciate this time. He has two little brothers who love him to death. He isn't locked up. I am very thankful for that. I wasn't too sure about him over the last couple of years. I just pray he'll find peace and happiness. I pray for him all of the time. I miss him so much some days. I mostly miss him being little and on my lap safe and sound. Growing up can be so sad. Sometimes I look at my two little ones, during a bath or quiet times when we're just talking and I hug them so tight and implant the memory of this moment and just whisper in their ear, "I'm really gonna miss you when you grow up". They promise they will always be my good little boys and always visit me. It's so sweet. Now I've made myself cry.